


it's colder inside your head

by regionalsky



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cold, Hospital, I'm serious this one is fairly abstract, Metaphors, Murder, Night, Snow, This is a weird one, but definitely fluff at some point, confused tyler, fall away, misbeliever, ms believer, murder (?), obsessive josh, oh my god actually this is weird, probably no smut, suicide (?), weird tyler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-10-31 20:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10906440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionalsky/pseuds/regionalsky
Summary: Josh thinks Tyler writes too much.Honestly, Tyler doesn't know anything but his notebook. And Josh. Maybe Josh.And then, someone's in a hospital. He doesn't know why he's there.He doesn't know what intrigues him about the boy in the psych ward.Who has green eyes?





	1. soft socks on cold floors slide

**Author's Note:**

> I write this as a warmup, it's weird.  
> I started it in the back of my math notebook.  
> It helps me write emotional things that are a little less abstract.

I always liked hospitals late at night. The hallways were quiet, rooms left open and no one to ask what I was doing. There was the occasional sleepy-eyed nurse filling a water cup for a post-op patient, or an anesthesiologist walking to the physician’s room in search of shitty coffee. But most of the time, the third and fourth floors were mine.

Doors weren’t a problem. Once you were past the big ones guarding the waiting rooms, hallways and rooms opened, silent as a forest on a mountain.

A snow filled one. My cold hands hung loosely at my sides as I slid on my socks, the fluffy ones that smelled of detergent and bleach. The floors looked impeccably clean, but when I lifted my feet, the pads were covered in dirty snow.  

Snow softened the shapes, the artificial squares looking more and more like snow covered pines. I could almost taste the bitterness that covers your mouth, I could almost prick my finger.

I was looking for something, I was looking for him, I remembered- the kid I had seen go into the psych ward, not the unit I was in. Where I was supposed to be. Where was that? I only knew how to get back, even without the helpful signs that had led me to the third floor maternity ward.

Moms were there, with brand new kids. New babies, fresh, untouched, life. They hadn’t messed up yet, and if they did, someone would forgive them. 

They didn’t do that now. The boy who had messed up, they put him in a white room with rainbows and healthy food. With smiling family members and notebooks that wouldn’t be kept private. But they were kept in bed, kept laying down for a few days, letting hard earned muscles waste away. Defined lines of muscles slowly fading, like the line between reality and what is in your head. Because no amount of nice small talk and healthy salads can wash away the months, wash away the years of night time. 

I wouldn’t know. Or would I? I honestly couldn’t remember, my mind taken up by snowy landscapes. Hard metal and wide green eyes surrounded by fragile lashes. Surrounded by snow.

Snow, snow, together we go, in my dreams- away from me?

This probably doesn’t make sense.

I mean, something happened. Probably in the past, probably traumatic, probably related to him. Or another boy. 

Maybe I’ll figure out what happened? Maybe I’m just making things up, and there’s actually nothing to find out?

 

Reality does fade away, a lot. You begin to wonder who you are, or where you came from. If this is real or you’re just living inside someone else’s mind, the antagonist they created.

Maybe you’re just an extra. An appearance and a small personality to add life to a scene.

Maybe you’re never on screen at all. 


	2. abuse grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler and josh exist in their own world, and for some reason, people leave them alone
> 
> bad things happen.  
> josh gets fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holyyyyy shit I'm sorry this is gruesome (not sorry) 
> 
> I'll connect them better but I bet you can see how they connect anyways.

Glaring down at Tyler, Josh held a yellow spiral notebook in his hand. Tyler’s eyes were ringed with dark circles, almost as obvious as the bruises on his neck. He shivered in the cold morning air- the blanket that had been covering him was thrown on the ground. 

“I feel overdramatic,” Tyler whispered, “Please don’t make me let you read those.”

Josh sighed and faced away from where Tyler was sitting on the couch. “You know how it goes here. You told your parents I’m watching you, and they trust me, and I’m not going to give that up.”

“I know, I know it’s just-”

“It’s just what?” Josh’s eyes blazed. “It’s that you think keeping this a secret is okay? That you have something to hide?”

“No, no,” Tyler waved his hands, “no, it’s not that- it’s, I dunno, we don’t tell everyone everything about ourselves-”

“But I’m not everyone.”

“Anyone?” Tyler tried weakly. 

Josh laughed. “You mean to tell me you don’t know everything about me? That I haven’t told you everything there is to know inside me? And you want to hide words written on paper?”

“No, I know you know everything about me- I know- but please-”

“Please what?”

“Please?” Tyler begged. “I won’t tell them about, you know, the other night-”

“No,” Josh turned on him, “Don’t say that. It didn’t happen.” 

Tyler paused, opened his mouth, and shut it. He pulled his knees closer to his chest as Josh loomed over him, cold fury in his eyes. 

“Don’t mention that again.”

Nodding, Tyler sniffed. He shook his head, clearing away the tears. No. Not this time. He would not cry.

Immediately, Josh’s face softened. He wrapped his arms around Tyler, who tried not to flinch. 

“I’m sorry, honey, I’m sorry, it’s only because I care about you- it’s just I’m, I’m scared, I didn’t mean that-”

“It’s okay,” Tyler mumbled numbly. “It’s okay.”

“No, I’m serious.” Josh held Tyler’s face, forcing Tyler to look at him. “It’s just because I love you, and I’m going to read it. Okay?”

Tyler just looked down. Josh stroked the hairs on the side of his head. “Shhhh, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.” 

A war raged in Tyler’s head. Who had Josh turned into? He sees Tyler high once, just once, and goes apeshit. Controls everything, has to know everything. But no, he was just nervous for him. Scared. Right? When Tyler looked up at his thick eyelashes, his light pink lips, his soft hair, he knew it was just Josh being scared. Josh couldn’t be mean. Tyler leaned in closer, and Josh tightened his arms and looked down. 

“You good?” Tyler nodded and pecked him on the lips. “Yeah.”

Josh looked at him expectantly, and Tyler worked up a smile on his lips. Josh just cared about him. He had a right to know. It was okay. “Yeah, okay. You can read it.”

Grinning, Josh hugged Tyler even tighter. “Thank you, babe. You know it’s only because I love you.” Tyler smiled back and allowed the warmth to fill him. “Love you too.”

He sat with him for a while, then stood. With it in his hand. “I’ll go make breakfast. Call you when it’s ready.” Josh leaned over and picked the blanket up, throwing it over Tyler. Tyler smiled. 

“Get some sleep, okay?”

Tyler buried himself under the blankets, and didn’t notice that Josh did not go up to the kitchen.

Instead, carrying the notebook, he climbed the stairs to his room. Opened the cover. Sat at his desk. Read. 

They were small, almost poems. Each one was given it’s own page, contrasted to the crowded pages of the rest of the notebook. Josh had already read the other parts. 

The new ones were weird, hurried- scribbled in dark, black pen. Fingerprint smudges stained the corners of the pages, and one page had a smear of brown red blood. Papercut, or Josh hoped. No one could tell with Tyler at this point. 

 

“Have you ever realized

That you changed someone

And then left 

Because you didn’t like

What you had done

 

“Forever”

For some reason

Seems to have

an expiration date

  
  


Stars and Moons change people. 

You know?

You kind of become a different person.

Music is a lifeblood, if I am detached I fall away fully.

I don’t recognize the things I write at night when I read them in the morning.

 

Why are attachments

So necessary 

For happiness

When all they do

Is make me sad?

 

My therapist’s office

Has this smell

And I

Cannot

Stand it

 

Do you have that one food

You cannot put to your lips 

Because of a night?

Mine,

It’s diet cherry doctor pepper

One summernight

I am frozen, 

Like a scra-scratched disk 

Stu-stuck on re-repeat

Over and over and over

That summernight ruined me and I cannot move 

Eyes wide in horror 

Frozen like a deer in the headlights of my own demise”

 

He closed his eyes, stood up.

The stairs were long, His feet were heavy. But there was no going back.

Tyler was still sleeping on the coach, and Josh brushed his hair from his forehead, kissing him.

“You’d come so far,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” Tyler didn’t move; he only breathed.

Josh stood, a grimace etched into his face.  “Of course you had to mention it. Of course.”

He pulled back his fist, like he was going to pound the wall, but glanced at Tyler’s sleeping figure and thought better. He went into the garage instead. Not looking at what was in his hands, he checked to make sure Tyler was still asleep. He was.

Josh held the landline in his hand, preparing for the call. Hyperventilating, blood rushing through his ears, he approached Tyler. The cord bounced as the phone dropped from his hand. 

He blinked. Was he about to do this?

Yes, he had to. Tyler knew, he remembered, he could recollect well enough to write it down. He shouldn’t have been able to. No, it wasn’t right. Something was wrong.

But still, he hesitated, the knife in his hand. Tyler hadn’t done anything wrong- hadn’t he? Josh shook his head violently. No, Tyler was wrong, he couldn’t remember, he was just doing what he had to do-

Before he could think, Josh jumped, pinning Tyler’s arms to the sofa. It was over in a second, and Josh’s hands were slick. 

He shoved any thoughts out of his mind, throwing the knife to the ground beside him. Working up sobs in his throat, flinging himself across the body, Josh dialed.

“Hello?”

“It’s- it’s”

“What happened? Where are you?”

Josh inhaled- “It’s my best friend- my boyfriend- I came downstairs- he’s- blood- everywhere- I-”

“What is your address?”

“2240 El-Elm street, please hurry-”

“Officers are dispatched.”

“Thank you-”

The phone shut off with a click.

Josh shook his head. That operator was the rudest one yet. 


End file.
